Throwback to 2005 and my photoshoot for “Still Standing.” Yes, I recorded a full-length album project back in the day. It’s actually still out there, available wherever you stream your music. Some of it is a little bit embarrassing, I suppose. I’m certainly not the person I was in 2005. But I’m still proud of many of the tracks. Check out “God of All Light,” “New Every Morning,” “Oh My Child” and “Back to You.” And the album opens with a cover of Vineyard worship leader Terry Butler’s “Psalm 19.” 

The album was produced by one of my musical heroes, Michael Roe, and features his band, The 77s, as the rhythm section on all the songs. I even got Mike to sing harmonies on “Satisfied Forever” along with my former wife, Luanne.

On that note, some of you may find “Still Standing” to be a fascinating snapshot of 34-year-old me, absolutely doing my best to figure out what was true about life and God and sexuality. Still trying so hard to fit into the life that I had always believed was the only acceptable way to live. I loved God, I loved my wife and kids, I loved my church and my ministry. I was in the thick of my “ex-gay” years, trying to rid my body and mind of the “same-sex attraction” I had lived with for my entire life.

So I look back on “Still Standing” with a complicated mixture of thoughts and emotions. And I am still so grateful for the chance to pour out my heart into music, both then and now, and I’m more convinced than ever that God is with me, and with all of us, in the complicated reality of our beautiful lives.

And I can still sing – authentically, with my whole heart – the words of Lamentations 3:22-23 that I turned into the song “New Every Morning”: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.