About Matt

Creating a safe, sacred space.

Who I Am

This is my story. It’s what gives me the courage to make a difference in the lives of other men on their unique journeys. Read my bio, and watch the TEDx video.

What I Do

Whether it’s making music, preaching, or meeting with guys in a support group, here are the ways I work to help men just like you every day.

I am an educator, musician, speaker, writer, and spiritual director living and working in the North San Francisco Bay Area. I teach at Sonoma County Day School in Santa Rosa and co-pastor (along with my long-time best friend, Tony Gapastione) of The Quest Novato.

I am also a spiritual director and support group facilitator with The Christian Closet, which offers web-based counseling, coaching, and spiritual direction for LGBTQ Christians.

My musical/creative exploits have included performing a solo show at the Tulsa Jazz Hall of Fame, singing the national anthem at two 49ers games and a stint with the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus. My song, “Always Entertaining Me” was featured in the hit Korean drama IRIS, and my song, “Going Home” was recorded by Broadway star and Emmy winner Loretta Devine and is featured on the soundtrack of the short film “Neighbor.”

For seventeen years, I worked as a worship pastor in the Evangelical Covenant Church, serving churches in Redwood City, CA; Houston, TX; Tulsa, OK; Seattle, WA; and Santa Rosa, CA. I am a graduate of the Spiritual Director Formation Program at The Journey Center in Santa Rosa and currently serve on its board of directors.

As a gay Christian, I am passionate about the intersection of sexuality and spirituality, and I work to create safe, sacred spaces for people exploring these identities. My TEDx talk, “Choosing Gratitude and Hope,” with my former wife, Luanne Nightingale, tells our story of mixed-orientation marriage, an evolving understanding of faith and sexuality, and the choice to end it with gratitude and hope.

I am the proud father of Joshua (24), Jacob (21), Emily and Zachary (18).

In November 2016, my former wife, Luanne Nightingale, and I gave a talk at TEDx Sonoma County. Entitled “Choosing Gratitude and Hope,” it tells the painful but ultimately redemptive true story of our 23-year mixed-orientation marriage and of choosing to end it with gratitude and hope.
My musical life
In addition to leading worship in large churches and at regional/national conferences for two decades, I have had the privilege of writing music and performing in a variety of venues. Check out the videos here, as I continue to write and perform new music regularly.
Get in Touch
My church life
For seventeen years, I worked as a worship pastor in the Evangelical Covenant Church. I currently serve as the co-pastor of The Quest, an open and affirming progressive Christian community in Novato, California.

On July 15, 2018, I was the guest preacher. I spoke on a text from the gospel of Matthew and shared my story of finding freedom and new life as an openly gay Christian man.

The Quest broadcasts its weekly worship services on Facebook live every Sunday at 10:00 a.m. PST.

Spiritual Direction & Support Groups
“Spiritual direction—also called spiritual companionship—explores a deeper relationship with the spiritual aspect of being human. Simply put, spiritual direction is helping people tell their sacred stories everyday.”

Liz Budd Ellmann, MDiv, former Executive Director, Spiritual Directors International

I am honored to serve as a spiritual director through The Christian Closet, offering web-based counseling, coaching and spiritual direction for LGBTQ Christians. Read more about what that means here.
Find Out More
Matt can pick up and go where a therapist can’t. Spiritual director, mentor, friend…Matt is my spiritual sherpa.

Bruce, Spiritual Direction Client

Let's Connect
I'd love to chat with you. You can send me an email, or just use the form to contact me. You can also text or call me directly at 918-408-6082.

And let's definitely connect on social media!

Ⓒ Copyright 2021 Matt Nightingale. Site designed and managed by Doebank Designs.